The Wrongest Blog
Monday, January 23, 2006
  Tranny Work: How one Transgendered Individual Messed it Up for Everybody

This is a true story.

Mr. Wrong works for a company that respects diversity. Company meetings resemble the scene you’d get if the U.S. Special Olympics Team bus crashed into the United Nations building.

Normally the help gets along so well, it would make Rodney King give up the crackpipe, but last month there was a situation so horribly wrong, the company had to bring on extra lawyers to sort it out.


At the center of it all was a recent hire who happened to be transgendered.

Although the individual in question apparently is in possession of a working penis, he prefers the restroom marked “W.”*

So a couple of times a day, some woman would see a pair of Size 13s under the stall – maybe even pointing the wrong way – and soil herself.

Naturally it didn’t take long for this to reach a head with senior management, who assumed this was a cut-and-dried case: He’s a BOY, so he has to pee in the men’s room, preferably standing up to reserve stalls for actual shitting.

But this opinion was not without dissent.

For instance, Mr. Wrong thought management should let nature take its course. If the ladies didn’t want some confused cat waving his wand around their bathroom, they should have just kicked the crap out of him until he got wise.

Management realized it needed a third opinion, so they hired lawyers who specialize in this kind of thing (labor law, not “trannies,” per se).

Turns out, we ALL had it wrong! “If he says he’s a chick, you must ignore his dick,” was more or less what the experts said. “And the actual ladies will just have to deal with it.”

When I first got wind of all this, I wasn’t precisely sure what “transgendered” even meant, so I checked it out on Wikipedia.

Basically it’s what Aerosmith was talking about when they sang “Dude Looks Like a Lady.” More specifically, it’s a person who identifies with a gender other than the one s/he is assigned, therefore falling into some weird no-man’s land along the male/female continuum.

Not uncommonly, there will be some cross-dressing and clothes-stuffing going on, so you might mistake she for a he, or vice-versa (basically what The Kinks were talking about in “Lola”).

Not that there’s anything wrong with that (well, other than that it's totally WRONG), except in this case, the dude doesn’t look like a lady at all. He looks like Howard Stern, only with an Adam’s apple the size of my kneecap!

At least he dresses vaguely like a chick, but too bad it's like a chick from the 80s who shopped at K-Mart.

Anyway, now that the bathroom issue is all settled, I’m thinking I need to meet with my staff and bring this matter and its legal resolution to their attention. My next post will outline just how I intend to do that without spraying coffee all over each and every one of them.

* That’s “W” … as in “W wears a SKIRT!” Hahahaha, a BURN for my redneck Republican friends.


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Stan and Angus Wrong are married. (Yes, Stan is a chick.) They go through life like a couple of blissing freaks. They laugh and laugh at you and your mom.

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