The Wrongest Blog
Friday, December 22, 2006
  There cannot possibly be a god...

Because if there were, this bastard would be struck down where he stands for being a stupid, pandering, rednecked, bible-thumping cocksmoker.

My goodness...

Conveniently for Rep. Virgil Goode Jr. (R-VA), his "Write your Rep" page is disabled until next year. Guess he didn't want to deal with the avalanche of outrage from people like me.

Unless I find something else to be pissed about, I'll have to come back on Jan 4 and send him a little piece of my mind.

Hint: To reach Virgil Goode Jr. via Write your Rep, you must choose VA as the state, and enter an intra-district ZIP like 24151.
 
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
  Hunters acting like a bunch of fags
Now I've seen everything. At TheDepartingShot.com, you can pay to have "Ol Yeller's" cremated doggie corpse remains packed into shotgun shells. Apparently you're supposed to take these shells (16, 20 or 12 ga.) and blast them out of your $10,000 Perazzi Brescia, thereby scattering your little fuzzy buddy's ashes over the fields you once hunted together.

The really fucked up thing is that there are guys out there (Dick Cheney, perhaps) who would actually do this shit!

Qty Description
1 The Single Salute $50
4 Salute to the 4 Winds $195
6 The Six-Gun Salute $290
21 21-Gun Salute $975
 
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
  Baby Shower Beating

Check out this group of dumbasses. A 7-month pregnant woman was beaten with a stick at her own baby shower. Dudes, this would be even wronger if the baby was now a dead baby... Chew on that, will ya?
 
Saturday, March 25, 2006
  OMFG -- A blog even wronger than this one...
How fucked up do you have to be to devote an entire blog to defaming horses?
 
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
  Yep, she's dumb...

So not only was the deaf girl walking down the train tracks, she was texting on her cell phone. Congratulations, Tara McAvoy, you've won The Wrongest Blog's 2006 nomination for the Darwin awards!

Oh, and check out the sweet banner ad juxtaposition...
 
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
  What's the opposite of irony? This!

Ms. Deaf Texas gets hit by a train while walking along the tracks. I suppose she was not only deaf, but dumb.
 
Thursday, February 23, 2006
  I'm a cowboy...


This Brokeback Mountain painting is actually for sale on Ebay right now.

Even worse, people are actually bidding on it and running up the price! Well fuck me runnin'...

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  Best Dead Baby Jokes I've Seen All Day...

After a particularly difficult delivery, the doctor held up the newborn, cut the umbilical cord, and took a moment to look the baby over. Then, without missing a beat, the doctor threw the child against a nearby wall with all his might. The mother watched in shock as the baby slid to the floor with a sickening thud.

The nurses and orderlies stood by aghast as the doctor proceeded to dribble the newborn around the room like a soccer ball before finally passing the baby through the door into the hall with a mighty kick. Everyone, including the fatigued mother, chased the doctor into the hall just in time to see him scoop up the infant and run down the corridor, stopping just long enough to bodycheck the child into the wall every so often.

At the end of the hall, the doctor gave a mighty leap and slam-dunked the baby into a nearby trashcan, giving himself a loud roar of approval. Finally, the now quite large awe-struck crowd caught up with the doctor. The mother was distraught and burst into tears.

"Why? Why in the name of God did you do that to my baby?" she cried.

The doctor replied: "I'm just messin' with ya. It was stillborn."

Q: What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage...

Q: How long does it take to kill a baby in a microwave?
A: How the fuck should I know? I was too busy masturbating...

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw 'em.

Q: What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Q: What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
A: Sticking pins in their eyes.

Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night?
A: Crib death.

Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
A: Deep Throat.

Q: How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
A: The dog plays with it more.

A: What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
A: Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them in the ass.

Q: How do you make a gay man pregnant?
A: Stick a dead baby up his ass!

A: What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A : A Pedophile's ass.
 
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
  Google News: Short GOOG Now!
A federal judge ruled last week that Google violated the copyright of LA-based porn site Perfect 10 by publishing photos scraped from the site at www.perfect10.com.

You can almost hear the sobs of wankers around the world, at least the smart ones who realize that this ruling goes way beyond the David and Goliath story of a 3rd-rate porn-peddler sticking it to Google.

This is all about the concept of fair use. Is it OK for Google to basically steal content from other publishers and wrap their own advertising around it without compensating the copyright holder? At least one judge says nay, and I would have to agree.

In the case of a pornography site, the pictures represent the virtual entirety of the content. Once google steals it and publishes it themselves without permission, there is clearly theft of copyright.

Google is WRONG!

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  Christina Aguilera: How did this mutant slut get so popular, anyway?
While I cannot say for sure, I am reasonably sure my own anus is both sexier and more attractive than this piece of work. No wonder the rest of the world hates us.
(On the other hand, if they had this in Iraq, they wouldn't have attacked us on 9/11.)


OH WAIT! THAT WAS TOTAL BULLSHIT, AND EVERYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN KNEW IT LONG BEFORE WE ACTUALLY INVADED THAT POOR, PISSANT COUNTRY AND TURNED IT INTO A CAUSE CELEBRE FOR ACTUAL FUNDAMENTALIST NUTJOBS. ACTUALLY, IT WAS A BUNCH OF SAUDIS AND GEORGE W. BUSH'S #1 BENEFACTOR OSAMA BIN LADEN. GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK FUCKING SKULLS, YOU STUPID, BIBLE-THUMPING, UNEDUCATED, REDNECK SOCCER MOMS AND NASCAR DADS! WE ARE ON TO YOU. WE KNOW YOUR REAL AGENDA IS TO TAKE THE WORLD BACK 900 YEARS TO THE CRUSADES. YOU DUMBFUCKS DON'T EVEN REALIZE THAT IF YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL, YOU WILL BE SERFS WORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE MONEY AND BRAINS, LIKE ME. AND I WILL TREAT YOU EVEN WORSE THAN BUSH, WHO NOT-SO-SECRETLY DISDAINS YOU, TREATS YOU TODAY.


MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006
  A Modest Proposal: Will You Marry Me?
Not since Colleen Stan (the poor woman who was kidnapped by some sicko, forced to be a sex slave and made to live under a waterbed for years) has a chick had it as bad as the wife of this fucking tool, who drew up a nifty 4-page "contract of wifely expectations" outlining what she can/can't do as part of her servitude to him.

"You will shave every third day which includes underarms, legs chest and pubic areas (navel to anus), all areas are to be completely clean shaven. Above your vaginel [sic] slit you may have a patch of pubic hair in any shape, that must be centered above your vaginal slit, it will measure no more than 2.0"x1.0", and will maintain a hair length less than 1/3".


I'm not sure which is wronger, this sick-bastard excuse for a man, the low-self-esteem-loser-chick who would marry such a guy, or my friend who brought this story to my attention via email with the classic zinger, "Why didn't I think of this..." Anyway, who wants to bet Travis Frey, the rude pet who saddled his wife with this contract, is a great big fan of George "Bring 'em On" Bush and his cadre of torturing, hell-bound Neocons?

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  Shani Davis: Stuck-up little bitch, isn't she!
In an apparent attempt to remove any lingering doubt about what a little shit-stained twerp he is, Shani Davis had the following to say about "teammate" Chad Hendrick:

"I'll be honest in front of all you people since me and Chad we're fighting for the same thing. He wants to win; I want to win. It would have been nice - and I'm just throwing it out there - it would have been nice if after the 1000 meters he could have been a good teammate and shook my hand. Just like I hugged him after he won the 5000 meters."

We're not sure "teammate" is the appropriate word, Shani, you illiterate cock-smoker. You fucked over your team, remember? And given that round-mouthed look on your face most of the time, we're pretty sure you play for the other team, anyway.

Think Shani is a buddy-fucking faggot? Comment below...

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Monday, February 13, 2006
  Finally, the White House Hits Rock Bottom

In an apparent attempt to accelerate its own death spiral, the White House suggested today that it was 78-year-old Harry Whittington's fault that "Deferement Dick" Cheney practically blasted Whittington's face off while hunting quail last weekend.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said hunting "protocol was not followed by Mr. Whittington when it came to notifying others that he was there. And so, you know, unfortunately, these types of hunting accidents happen from time to time."

I'm sorry, but I actually took hunter safety class. And like any other responsible hunter, I'm not buying a word of it. It is ALWAYS the guy holding the gun's responsibility to know what's in the line of fire before pulling the trigger. McClellan's argument holds water only when deer hunting, and then only if the victim is dressed in an antlered deer suit and ass-fucking the living shit out of an injured, rutting doe. (In Texas and other states with a high concentration of Evangelical Sickos, this does happen from time to time.) Mr. Wrong concurs: If you are stumping an animal that's in-season, it is indeed your responsibility to notify others that you are there.

But there's a whole lot more to this story. We learned today that Dick didn't even have a proper license -- hardly surprising given this administration's obvious belief that laws don't apply to them.

And on top of that, the White House didn't bother to tell anyone it happened until after some podunk paper in Corpus Christi broke the story, and even then wouldn't confirm it until 22 hours after it happened.

And even more appalling, at least to NRA types like me, these tools were driving around in a pickup truck to scare up birds, then jumping out and blasting away whenever they flushed a covey. Where I come from, that's not just cheating, it's called "pussy-hunting. "

But at least there's some silver lining to this dark cloud:

- The bible thumpers and rednecks who put this administration in office may finally wake up and realize that this administration is wrong. Sure, Bush supporters are dumb, but most of 'em know a thing or two about hunting.

- A few more gloves came off today in the Washington Press Corps. After six years of sucking Bush's cock, they're finally starting to call it like they see it.

- At least Cheney shot a Republican lawyer from Texas. It's a start.

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Thursday, February 02, 2006
  Bush: "US Addicted to Oil"
I love it when both my hometown newspapers run the exact same headline on the front page. Makes me think that maybe, just maybe, there's nobody with a creative bone left on the headline desk. Maybe instead of "Bush: U.S. 'Addicted to Oil,'" somebody could have come up with something better, like:

Big Daddy KaineBush, on Ropes, Sells Out Oil Homies

Bush to Citizens: 'Go Fuck Yerselfs!'

Bush Wins Mercedes-Benz State of Union Address, 27-21

Dem's New Strategy: Put Man With Asymmetrical Face on TV


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Monday, January 30, 2006
  Lez Zeppelin: Wrong or Not? You decide!
Mrs. Wrong: I'm all for chicks rocking out, but how dare you blaspheme the masters? It's just ... wrong.

Mr. Wrong: I'm OK with the name, but if they're going to use it, I expect to see carpet munching on stage, every show.

The "Maybe we're lesbians, maybe we're not" line they're using is totally gay. No self-respecting muncha would ever let herself come off as gay, so I suspect they're actually a bunch of straight chicks who know the best way to get past their ugliness and still get a lot of dick is to tell guys they're dikes.

The name probably does help them sell tickets (not to mention a lot of Lez Zeppelin-branded boy briefs) to actual lipstick lesbos. But it doesn't fly here at Wrong Central, where Led Zeppelin will always be associated with sportfucking. We say forget Lez Zeppelin. The Wrongest Blog recommends Pinky Tuscadero's Whiteknuckle Assfuck. Or better yet, this...


In case you missed the "Chicks with Picks" spread in Spin last year, here's the CNN article. (The author clearly has about as much imagination as your average dog turd, but the headline ain't bad.)

What do you think about Lez Zeppelin? Leave your comments below...

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Sunday, January 29, 2006
  Don't click here -- X-Rated Pic!
While trolling for images for Prince of Whales, I came across this picture of a fat, naked chick eating donuts. I'm not really into internet porn, but this is hotter than Ann Coulter at a fisting party.

I'm warning you, whatever you do, don't click here.

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Saturday, January 28, 2006
  Prince of Whales: 'Drop that Biscuit or You'll End Up Looking Like Reuben Studdard'

The Times of London reported Prince Charles said the British people better slow down on their eating and get some exercise, or else they'll end up as fat as the Americans.

“We are perhaps not very far behind our American cousins in the ‘super-sizing epidemic,” said Charles, who himself almost certainly didn't get that round mouth from eating square meals.

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  Space Shuttle Challenger: 20-Year Crew Reunion
Space Shuttle Challenger Crew (top)
Memorial at Arlington National Cemetery (below)


Today marks the 20th anniversary of the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster. They say tragedy + time = comedy. So what better time to revive some of our favorite Christa McAuliffe and Space Shuttle Challenger jokes.

Q: What did Ground Control say after the Challenger exploded?
A: No, Bud Light!

Q: What do Christa McAuliffe and Donna Rice have in common.
A: They both went down on the challenger.

Q: Did you know that Christa McAuliffe was blue eyed?
A: One blew left and one blew right.

Q: Where did the Challenger crew vacation?
A: All over.

Q: How come there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
A: They didn't know it was gonna blow up.

Q: What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
A: You feed the kids, I'll feed the fish.

Q: What's the difference between the Patriots and the Challenger?
A: The Patriots made it past Miami.

Q: What color was Christa McAuliffe's hair?
A: Auburn.

Q: What do a sea lion, the Challenger and Tylenol all have in common?
A: They're all looking for a tight seal.

Q: How long did it take for the crew of the Challenger to hit the Atlantic?
A: The rest of their lives.

Where were you when the Challenger exploded? Leave your comments below...

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Thursday, January 26, 2006
  Our cats Jesus and Pontius
Ms. Wrong's cat "Jesús"


Mr. Wrong's cat "Pontius"

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  Shower Shitting by Stanley Wrong

Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.Stan thinks it's WRONG to shit in a public shower.
 
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
  Another Bad Thing About Being Fat -- Alli Causes Oily Skid Marks

While flipping through today's Chicago Sun-Times (print version) over a plate of the worst panang curry ever, Mr Wrong came across an Associated Press headline refering to the obesity drug Alli's "underwear problem."

No way we weren't going to get to the bottom of this.

We suffered through paragraph after disgusting paragraph about how the FDA was approving (for OTC use, no less) yet another expensive drug people don't need. Finally, near the bottom, we came across this little gem in Andrew Bridges' story about Orlistat, aka Alli:

Orlistat acts by blocking the absorption of about one-quarter of any fat consumed in a meal. That fat -- the equivalent of about 150 to 200 calories -- is passed out of the body in stools, which can be loose or oily as a result. Other side effects include fecal incontinence, gas and oily spotting of undergarments.

Suddenly, in between sips of thai iced coffee, we're getting a cruel visual of some rounder's butthole blasting oily globules all over his boxers every time he passes wind.

We're not sure why, but our mind's eye breezed right through the part about "fecal incontinence" and settled into a slow motion scene in which the tranquility of a soft white screen is suddenly shattered by a high-velocity SPLAT. It's quickly followed by another less-violent splat, as though a two-shot execution-style killing had taken place just outside the field of view. (It was very Oliver Stone...)

The whole thing left us feeling sad. We can't help but assume these greasy skidmarks are capable of soaking through under- and over-garments, and before you know it every bus seat and barstool in the country is going to be sullied by fatties' fatty ass juice. It's really fucking disgusting when you think about it.

We offer the following tips as a public service:

1) Fatties -- don't believe the marketing hype! Read the fine print. This stuff barely works at all, and only if you diet and exercise. So it's a catch-22, see? If you dieted and exercised, you wouldn't need Alli. But you don't, and paying GlaxoSmithKline $25 a week ain't gonna make up for that.

2) Beware! Alli doesn't work until you've been taking it (and dieting, and exercising, and shitting yourself) for quite a while.

3) If you're gonna be a sucker and try this stuff, try WALKING to McDonalds for a change and for god's sake, buy some plastic underpants.

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Monday, January 23, 2006
  US Special Olympics Website is Run by a Bunch of Tards
Check out the official site of the US Special Olympics Team. Then try clicking on ANY of the links/navigation.
 
  More Ugly Babies
This one looks just like the white TeleTubby.

And this one was so ugly, the parents couldn't bring themselves to name it.

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  Tranny Work: How one Transgendered Individual Messed it Up for Everybody

This is a true story.

Mr. Wrong works for a company that respects diversity. Company meetings resemble the scene you’d get if the U.S. Special Olympics Team bus crashed into the United Nations building.

Normally the help gets along so well, it would make Rodney King give up the crackpipe, but last month there was a situation so horribly wrong, the company had to bring on extra lawyers to sort it out.


At the center of it all was a recent hire who happened to be transgendered.

Although the individual in question apparently is in possession of a working penis, he prefers the restroom marked “W.”*

So a couple of times a day, some woman would see a pair of Size 13s under the stall – maybe even pointing the wrong way – and soil herself.

Naturally it didn’t take long for this to reach a head with senior management, who assumed this was a cut-and-dried case: He’s a BOY, so he has to pee in the men’s room, preferably standing up to reserve stalls for actual shitting.

But this opinion was not without dissent.

For instance, Mr. Wrong thought management should let nature take its course. If the ladies didn’t want some confused cat waving his wand around their bathroom, they should have just kicked the crap out of him until he got wise.

Management realized it needed a third opinion, so they hired lawyers who specialize in this kind of thing (labor law, not “trannies,” per se).

Turns out, we ALL had it wrong! “If he says he’s a chick, you must ignore his dick,” was more or less what the experts said. “And the actual ladies will just have to deal with it.”

When I first got wind of all this, I wasn’t precisely sure what “transgendered” even meant, so I checked it out on Wikipedia.

Basically it’s what Aerosmith was talking about when they sang “Dude Looks Like a Lady.” More specifically, it’s a person who identifies with a gender other than the one s/he is assigned, therefore falling into some weird no-man’s land along the male/female continuum.

Not uncommonly, there will be some cross-dressing and clothes-stuffing going on, so you might mistake she for a he, or vice-versa (basically what The Kinks were talking about in “Lola”).

Not that there’s anything wrong with that (well, other than that it's totally WRONG), except in this case, the dude doesn’t look like a lady at all. He looks like Howard Stern, only with an Adam’s apple the size of my kneecap!

At least he dresses vaguely like a chick, but too bad it's like a chick from the 80s who shopped at K-Mart.

Anyway, now that the bathroom issue is all settled, I’m thinking I need to meet with my staff and bring this matter and its legal resolution to their attention. My next post will outline just how I intend to do that without spraying coffee all over each and every one of them.

* That’s “W” … as in “W wears a SKIRT!” Hahahaha, a BURN for my redneck Republican friends.


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  Terry Schiavo's ex ties the knot!
We at The Wrongest Blog are dismayed by the news coverage concerning Michael Schiavo's wedding.

First the poor sod had to deal with his wife turning into a vegetable. Then he had to deal with her insane parents, who wanted to prolong her life as a vegetable as long as possible. Then he had to deal with every right-wing nut job in the country calling him out like he was some kind of evil beast for wanting Ms. Schiavo to be able to shed her shattered mortal coil. Finally, he had to deal with the loss of someone he obviously loved.

And now this -- his wedding is all over CNN and the front page of your hometown newspaper.

The media are gay. How else does one explain such navel-gazing.



Anyway, all this Schiavo in the news gives we at The Wrongest Blog the perfect opportunity to showcase this little gem. Not sure where this came from, all we know is it's freaking brilliant. And so, so wrong.

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Exposing the wrong, wrong world in which we live.

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Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Stan and Angus Wrong are married. (Yes, Stan is a chick.) They go through life like a couple of blissing freaks. They laugh and laugh at you and your mom.

RECENT POSTS
- There cannot possibly be a god...
- Hunters acting like a bunch of fags
- Baby Shower Beating
- OMFG -- A blog even wronger than this one...
- Yep, she's dumb...
- What's the opposite of irony? This!
- I'm a cowboy...
- Best Dead Baby Jokes I've Seen All Day...
- Google News: Short GOOG Now!
- Christina Aguilera: How did this mutant slut get s...

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